WASHINGTON — Anonymous officials from three different three-letter agencies confirmed early Tuesday that credible, undeniable, and totally-not-fabricated evidence points to the rapid militarization of a playground sandbox in an undisclosed hostile nation.
"We have satellite imagery showing people moving dirt from one side of the box to the other," stated a high-ranking official who asked not to be named because he is not authorized to speak on the record, and also because he made it up. "This is classic enrichment activity. We cannot afford to wait for a smoking gun that could come in the form of a plastic shovel."
The administration is expected to ask Congress to authorize a $4 trillion preemptive stabilization effort, assuring the public that the operation will pay for itself and be over in "six weeks, tops."
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